This is a Journal, Not a Newspaper Articleposted Aug 9th 2006, 11:59AM
Mood: Disturbed
Music: 24ko Cylinder - Dir en Grey
I write journals for myself, not for anyone else. So feel no need to comment or try to understand, this isn't meant to be front page news. I've come to the realization that I think too much, so much that I drive myself insane. You ever wonder what it would feel like to have your best friend die? I can depress myself off anything, things that don't relate to me I can make it mine own. Besides that I have my own stuff to get depressed about, not that I have the right but I do it unintentionally anyways. Why is it that everyone but me was able to move on and get stronger, adapt, move on; but I'm still thinking of how everything used to be and all I want to do is go back. I don't belong here. And I can see you on the swing set singing "I believe I can fly" then launching yourself into a pile of rocks, or walking home alone from school to show them how proud they'd be. I just...miss you. I miss it all. Don't you remember how it used to be? How it used to feel? Why doesn't anybody remember. Sometimes I feel completely alone. More than often I feel completely alone. Why do I try and sleep so much? That's when I feel I waste the least time, take up the least space. I can get away and just live in my own head. Dreams or nightmares be as it comes, a nightmare is just a dream that doesn't go my way. And who am I to be so selfish? I just always sit in my room. I sit on my bed and look out the window, always the window. I'm waiting for someone but honestly, who do you think is coming? Peter Pan? A Cat-Bus? The blue Power Ranger? I've no idea. Always waiting. What an ominous window. What's happened to me. I used to be able to leave my house the way I wanted. Just me. Now I have to make myself up, try and sell myself to the world as someone who is worthy of attention, worthy of respect, worthy. Somewhere along the line I've tried so hard to get someone's attention, anyone. Every time I did Cassie would take it away; so I guess I figured if I was more like Cassie than people would start paying attention to me. What a vile theory. What have you done. Jealousy. I've always been jealous of Cassie, being the centre of attention. Just once I wanted that feeling. But people are made differently and I'm just not Cassie. Accepted. I'll just have to re-discover what I used to be. I'd like that. I wrote this journal in my head last night, I was much angrier then. I'm quite calm now. I go through a lot mentally. I just think too much, too much. I have severe severe clinic depression and when I get like that anything can trigger me and I'll get to the point that I'm so depressed I get sick. Really sick. Don't fret. I always bounce back in a matter of time, thank you bi-polar tendencies. I just have a problem with being alone, I don't deal very well.
i hate your icon.
but your layout's pretty great, so it evens out i guess.
i need to make a new icon now. and a
layout. because i despise not having a layout and my icon is HIDEOUSLY SMUSHY!
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